Diaries of a
Dance Dad

I wear multiple cloaks of identity: heedful husband, conscious capitalist, amateur athlete, proficient pianist and anxious author. But there is no role that brings me as much simultaneous joy and misery as faithful father to my three radiant, resplendent, brilliant, obstreperous, mischievous, truculent, impudent, effervescent, precious, audacious teenage daughters.

This audiobook chronicles the long, beautiful improv of raising my girls, my estrogen footprint as I lovingly call them.

As they fly the coop, I am bookending this chapter of my paternity with stories that are at once harrowing and hilarious and recorded to make you laugh and cry in equal measure.

As fair warning, I must issue this proviso: my ramblings on parenthood sometimes swim outside the prescribed lanes of political correctness. They are uncensored often satirical romps into my psyche, hence they occasionally employ language usually reserved for bumper-to-bumper traffic on Interstate 95. If you're already a parent, I'm sure you'll grant me some grace as you understand that some degree of potty mouth is completely appropriate given the immiseration that so often accompanies parenthood.

If you're not a parent yet, don't let this series have undue influence. Regardless of your current status, I assure you there is a veritable deluge of expletives, a Ganges of "shits" and "fucks," a veritable bag of dicks just waiting for you post-partum. And if parenthood has for some reason or another eluded you, then sit back and enjoy your Schadenfreude and be grateful that you don't know what a carpool is... or why it's fucking cancelled... again.

Indeed, parenthood can feel like a constant carpool, a perpetuity of pick-ups and a dirge of drop-offs. Admin and drudgery. Forms and shruggery. But every harvest moon, in moments as rare as steak tartare, you step on a spiritual needle buried deep within the immense haystack of putrid adolescent laundry and experience a satori: an awakening into some great truth.

It is these diamonds excavated from the deepest rough that I present to you in this series of recorded essays.